I read an article that was speaking on the gay marriage ruling in California. The article was interesting enough, but it was commentary that the author received that just made me think… Really?

I feel the need for a disclaimer:

I have always been an advocate for the rights of those in the LGBT community. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE CIVIL RIGHTS! Anyone who can cheer on the rights of and march next to Black people, need to realize that rights are rights. Anyone who tries to justify my need to rally on behalf of the LGBT community because after 33 heterosexual years I have a female partner, needs to retire that argument before opening his mouth.

That said, here is what bothered me (taken from the post):

On the death of Mildred Loving, whose 1967 Supreme Court case struck down all state laws against interracial marriage, Jonnathan Criswell of Torrance wrote, “It is ridiculous that as recently as 1967 there were laws on the books that made marriage between a white person and a black person illegal. And it is ridiculous that even today, it is (mostly) impossible for two consenting in-love adults to marry because they do not fit somebody else’s definition of what marriage should be. I am a homosexual 22-year-old man, and I know that I will some day find myself commitedly in love, as Mildred Loving did. Yet I can only hope that that love will ever be recognized as valid by a law everywhere and not inferior to that of heterosexuals.”

Daniel Lee added this: “You missed the logic course in high school. Your position is that society should approve of homosexual ..marriages’ because the nation didn’t collapse with a small percentage of intermarriage between the races. The first fallacy is treating two unlike objects the same, that’s called false analogy. Because the results from action A didn’t end life as we know it, therefore action B will have the same result. But actions A and B (racial and gender intermarriage) are not the same, and therefore concluding that their effect would be the same are questionable.

“The second and more obvious fallacy is greatly exaggerating an outcome … to prove something isn’t bad, and therefore we should accept it. … That’s a straw man fallacy. The result from action A wasn’t catastrophic, therefore we shouldn’t oppose more of the same. … It’s obvious that a change in law won’t result in immediate huge societal changes, but rather a small and growing effect over many decades.

“What you need to describe when advocating for racial and homosexual positions is an accurate description of their effect on the country over a long period of time. The nation didn’t fall apart immediately upon past changes, but look at the federal, state and city budgets today. We are heading towards a nation falling apart, and why really is that?”

Okay, if you take away all that is meant to obfuscate the issue, you get down to a fundamentally ignorant argument. (BTW, I should have added in my disclaimer that this isn’t a balanced analysis of both sides of the argument.) I felt the need to reply to said commentary:

**Posted by Tamika, San Diego, CA**

Apparently, Daniel Lee missed US History 101.

Being a Black woman from the South, I feel the need to educate Mr. Lee and others who simply don’t get it. Black people in this country weren’t even viewed as human, much less kinda sorta equal when it was decided that miscegenation was an abomination. (intentional use of the word, since people throw it around so much right now) The thought of a Caucasian person intermarrying with a person of African decent was about as well received (and marked a direct corollary to) intermarrying with an animal. Now, I know that we’re enlightened now (sarcasm), but we cannot forget the proper context in which this legislation was written. Nor, can we dismiss the importance of its dismissal.

That said, comparing the two scenarios–same sex marriage and interracial marriage–is absolutely a proper comparison. Because members of the LGBT community and same sex relationships are not seen as right or proper, which is the foundation of the argument against the community and gay marriage, anything that seemingly equalizes the rights of said community is the same as doing what this country did (albeit far too late) for non-White peoples years ago. It’s about time that people understand that this is exactly the same issue that Martin Luther King, Jr was fighting for. The irony is that those who are the most verbose opponents of gay marriage are the very ones crying over MLK’s speech while drinking lemonade and enjoying barbeque on their day off.

You can’t have it both ways, people. It’s either equal rights for everyone or it’s not. Period. Which one will you choose? Institutionalized bigotry or the freedom that this country is supposed to represent?

Now, let me tell you something, people. For those of you living in more progressive areas, you need to understand that the framework of all that you believe–all that you hold true–has been crafted by progressive people around you. There is an entire public who would still vote in slavery if it were on the ballot (to quote Sen. Vincent Fumo). It is true. And you know what else? How a community treats its LGBT community is the same way that it thinks at it’s core (when one has been drinking, becomes angry, is fearful (read: Michael Richards aka Cramer, the LAPD, the NYPD, the idiots who dragged James Byrd to death in Jasper, and countless others)) about people of color.

The notion that PEOPLE want “special rights” to do what their neighbors do is proposterous! When will the separation of church and state actually extend to that uncomfortable feeling inside of people who have to think about that dirty fellatio or that horrible cunnilingus or (God, forbid) the anal sex that “those people” are having in their bedrooms. Guess where “those people” learned it? Not to mention, “Love your neighbor” doesn’t mean ‘Love your straight neighbor.’ Who gets to sit at the table? Who defined that list?

Anything less than rights that extend to all people should be unacceptable if you live in this country. If you want people’s rights to be trumped live in a Communist country. Oh, and I have the feeling that those who speak out against gay marriage are the same ones who think Cuba, China and Venezuela are countries that need the good American example of democracy and freedom.

FREEDOM is what we should be marching to protect. FREEDOM to practice the religion that we choose, or to not practice at all. FREEDOM to express our ideas and beliefs. FREEDOM to love who we want to love. And most importantly, the FREEDOM to do all of that within the confines of a country that was designed to do just that and has systematically done the opposite since the first slaying of the first Native American.

I invite you to start living Martin Luther King, Jr’s dream by being open to the possibilities of living outside of the constructed reality that Theocrats (yes, my word for this theodemocracy) would have you to believe.

Let’s talk about it.

-gd

“No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.” US Bill of Rights

And for those bearing the cross as a sword…

1 PETER 2:15 TEV
15 For God wants you to silence the ignorant talk of foolish people by the good things you do.

1 TIMOTHY 6:18 CEV
18 Instruct them to do as many good deeds as they can and to help everyone. Remind the rich to be generous and share what they have.

1 JOHN 3:14 TEV
14 We know that we have left death and come over into life; we know it because we love others. Those who do not love are still under the power of death.

1 JOHN 3:18 TEV
18 My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action.

1 JOHN 4:7 TEV
7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God.

LEVITICUS 19:18 NKJ
18 ..You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.

MATTHEW 19:19 NKJ
19 ..Honor your father and your mother,’ and, ..You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

MATTHEW 22:39 NKJ
39 “And the second is like it: ..You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’

MARK 12:31 NKJ
31 “And the second, like it, is this: ..You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.”

LUKE 10:27 NKJ
27 So he answered and said, ” ..You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your strength, and with all your mind,’ and ..your neighbor as yourself.’ ”

ROMANS 13:9 NKJ
9 For the commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not bear false witness,” “You shall not covet,” and if there is any other commandment, are all summed up in this saying, namely, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

GALATIANS 5:14 NKJ
14 For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.”

JAMES 2:8 NKJ
8 If you really fulfill the royal law according to the Scripture, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” you do well;

PHILIPPIANS 2:4 NKJ

4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.

MATTHEW 7:12 NKJ
12 “Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

ROMANS 13:10 NKJ
10 Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.

ROMANS 15:2 NKJ
2 Let each of us please his neighbor for his good, leading to edification.

HEBREWS 13:1-2 NKJ
1 Let brotherly love continue.
2 Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some have unwittingly entertained angels.

I always loved the Wizard of Oz as a child. In fact, I still love it. I have a different appreciation of it as an adult, though. I remember how fascinated I was when Dorothy, after going through the tumultuous twister, landed to open the door to another world. The world was brilliant, sparkly, and full of wonder. This young woman found herself amongst new friends in a new life, and she found a stronger more adult version of herself as a result.

In my film studies at University I wrote a criticism on “The Wizard of Oz. Not only did I know I was disillusioned with the departure from the book’s commentary on the ills of American Industrialization, but I also took issue with the cautionary tale that this film seemed to present.

Why would Dorothy leave Oz? What was her motivation? Was this film an attempt to teach girls that the only place in which they could be happy was within the confines of what they knew? Life within the box is somehow better than the glitter and glam of the ultimate existence?

As I’m sure you can imagine, I enjoyed that criticism. And, indeed, I argued the cautionary tale aspect of the film, the submission to traditional ideals, and the preservation of the status quo as being the prevailing themes in the story.

I have found myself in the Oz of my life. I was no Dorothy upon landing here. Far from a young woman, I knew who I was, what I wanted, and I knew how to get it. A pugilist by nature, I am ambitious about living life. I do not let people steal my joy. I live the hell out of it. I believe in being the best me that I can be, and hope to help others who I meet along the way do the same. This is the reason why I started coaching. I figured, if I’m going to give advice (and yes, I’m always that person), I might as well do it professionally.

I haven’t coached since I’ve been in San Diego. I told a friend, I’m not in the place to coach anyone. I didn’t want to preoccupy myself with other people’s problems. I have tasted, smelled, and surrounded myself in the splendor of creation. I’ve also been slapped with the reality of the ugliest in human nature. I’ve been dealt some life blows from people who I thought were friends, only to find that they were opportunistic interlopers. I have been disenchanted professionally, not knowing what was coming next, and not necessarily married to my office. I have had my feet and soul in California, but my life everywhere but here. The promises that were made haven’t been fulfilled, professionally, but a life that pleasantly surprised even me was in abundance. Even with the ebb and flow of the challenges and blessings of life, feet firmly planted in the sand that meets the ocean in a mountain-lined sky enabled me to remain a strong, grounded woman at the center of all of it.

I’ve had the pleasure of walking hand in hand with my lover on the shores of La Jolla Cove. I have watched countless sunsets over the Pacific with my daughter. I found a parish that cultivated my inner spiritual intellectual that had yet to fully emerge. I have found fellow hockey lovers who have joined me while shouting at the big screen over Hefeweisen and hot wings. I have seen world class rugby live with Jr who gets it, and really got it after seeing hunky French, South African, and New Zealand players in real life. I found a soft place in my heart for college basketball–even the women’s. I have enveloped myself with local phenomenal career women with the brains and brawn that most people only could wish that they had. I have entertained and been entertained by my soul sisters in my favorite city (yes, it beats NYC for me) in the US. I have been to the thin places–those places in which the distance between heaven and earth are only separated by a thin, seemingly permeable layer. Those thin places, that parish, these friends, they all have helped me to get down the road of the journey that I never thought I would be on, but have found myself here loving every minute of it.

I love this place. I have become a greater me than I ever thought I could be. I am more soulful, more loving, more accepting of life as it presents itself. I have learned to love my neighbor better. I have learned to release my anger and disenchantment with people. I have learned that I love a woman, and will likely love her until my death. And hopefully, we’ll be together through the very end.

And so in order to begin that new journey, I must leave this one. My sparkly, brilliant, wonderful place has come at a price, and has led me back home. And so, with a few clicks of keystrokes, I shall make my way back to my house in Texas in a few short weeks, shirking all of my belongings to start anew with my new family.

It seems that I have a new understanding of Dorothy and her quest to get home. Perhaps she just needed to bring this new, stronger, self-actualized version of herself to the people who could appreciate it. Perhaps, it’s an opportunity to bring color into that black and white world. And so I go back with the knowledge that I will be doing that. I will bring my California soul back to Texas. While, yes, there’s no place like home, home is really that place in which you are grounded and the very essence of you.

Home is wherever I am.

This is my third writ. The first two would have you all really worried about me. Unlike my buddy, DR, I don’t like to publish that stuff. I like to publish rainbows and sunshine, love and happiness. Well, today ain’t one of those days. I’ll say this, I have a lot of anger, fear, and despair in me, right now. I don’t want to explain, I‘m not going to, so don‘t ask. I just want to say that I have that right now and it sucks.

Today one of the most brilliant women I know said, “Gatekeeping stymies faith.” That’s one of the most profound, simple statements I’ve heard. You may be asking yourself–what the hell is she talking about? I’m talking about the gates that we build. The walls that we build to keep people out. My fair diva sister wrote a blog not too long ago about how we build fences. It’s amazing how this is coming up again today. We build fences to keep a sense of protection around that, which makes us feel safe. Those fences or gates are the little things that we do for self-preservation that manifest themselves as xenophobia, bigotry, and judgment.

A book I’m reading, _Anam Cara_, suggests that the eyes are not only the window to the soul, but conversely, the window to the exterior. In other words, every time we open our eyes, we take in the universe. We bring creation in. We acknowledge, through sight, all that is around us. There are those who choose to limit what they see. For those short sighted people, they shut out the reality of the grandness of creation. Those gatekeepers are the clanging cymbals that stymie the vastness of possibility for all people, relationships, and evolution.

I was talking about the fear of the unknown with someone today. He mentioned how he feels on the outside of his family. He believes that it is because he is gay. He is made to feel like the “other” in his very own family, and how he hates that feeling. We agreed that sometimes life just sucks. We also agreed that being on the outside of “tradition” really sucks. We’re both in the same place today. Another man stopped me randomly and said, “Sometimes I believe that we have trials to remind us of our need for God.” I thought, Why is he telling me this? Did he see a look on my face? Actually, I think he was in the same place as me and my other friend. But… he is right. Sometimes, I think that we are simply reminded that we’re in control of nothing in the grand scheme of things, and there is a peace (oftentimes following frustration) in that knowledge. Stephen Covey calls it the “Circle of Influence.” You can only influence the outcome of those things that are in your realm of control (I‘d say, perceived control), and trying to influence those that are outside of that circle is not only a waste of time, but a way of building a highly ineffective existence. Boy, is he right.

So, here’s the problem with gate keeping, unless you’re an island, much to the chagrin of John Donne: You are surrounded by people who care about you. There are those who are willing to dig under the gate, or climb over it, to get to you. There are those who are willing to get splinters, to bruise their knees, to rip their pants, just to get to your heart and the essence of you. Those are the people who love you. There are far more who will jiggle the handle, realize the gate is locked, and wait for a little while to see if it opens, and then leave. Then, there are those few, who will bruise themselves to get over or crawl under the gate, get kicked out by the gatekeeper, and will sit on the outside of the gate with a good book waiting for the gatekeeper to come to his/her senses and open up. For those people, bring some lemonade–it’s hot out here.

It’s the beginning of Holy Week–the most holy of weeks in the Christian Church calendar. It’s funny, because when I tell my mom how we have Holy Week commitments that we have to keep, she doesn’t get it. Being brought up in a non-denominational setting, all of the mystery surrounding the Mystery is simply engaging for me. For her, it‘s all just a mystery.

I’m reading Anam Cara by John O’Donahue, a practitioner of Celtic Spirituality. I won’t go into all of the details of this spiritual understanding of Christianity, but I will say that if you would like a more “spiritual” Christian experience, the Celts are great leaders to get you down that road. In his book, he discusses how we experience the universe through the senses. We take in our environment through the sense of sight; smells connect us to memories of family, favorite restaurants, former lovers; the rhythm of the heartbeat of being in our mothers‘ wombs is that initial sound when we were fully connected to another person; touch enables us to physically connect with others is this far too disconnected world; and then there is taste., which he connects to the tongue, then the tongue with words. This lead me to an awesome epiphany…

If we experience the universe, and all in it, through the senses, then everything that we do, or don’t do affects someone. Everything that we say or don’t say affects someone. We are like perfectly independent dominos that are here to be affected by the previous one, and to affect the next. And we do. Knowing this, gives a different intent to life, in my opinion.

As a parent, I know that I have affected my daughter. I’m sure I’ve done things to land her on a therapist’s table at some point, as well as teaching her things that will help her be a better person than me. As a parent, I get that everything that I do or don’t do affects my daughter. I recognize that what I say has long term implications. I know that it is my responsibility to give her the tools to be a phenomenal woman, and you can bet on the fact that I am trying to do just that.

As a partner, I understand that everything that I say or do makes a difference to the sense of security that my partner feels. I am constantly operating under the knowledge that what I do affects tomorrow. To that end, I am working to build a foundation that will house a wonderfully strong relationship. It is important to do this individually so as not to be such a grand work in progress that affects our relationship in a negative way. In my opinion, the whole individual bringing her whole self to the table makes for a much better partner, as well as a much more pleasurable life as a couple.

Having all of those things in mind, which I believe we understand, I find it interesting that we do not think of others in the same respect. Although, I have just thought about all of this in a new way, I have to say that I think that I’ve always known that each of us is affecting. Think about the last time you complemented someone. You knew that the person would feel good about that compliment–even if s/he had difficulty accepting it. Conversely, when someone has been nasty, you get the opportunity to make a dig and take it, you know that it will ‘hit them where they live,’ which is why you did it.

Connect all of that with the desire of the Divine–to love others as you love yourself. No matter what belief set you embrace, that one crosses all of them (except maybe Scientology, lol). So, who gets to be included in “others?” The reality is that everyone has a seat at the table–we just don’t always invite them to sit. In the accepting of the namaste concept of acknowledging the divine in other people, doesn’t it make sense that we are to recognize that divinity in order to affect it?

It seems odd that this weekend at my silent retreat, in my own self-study, and Palm Sunday service, that this thought of our lives affecting others was the presiding theme. I think that this revelation gives an entirely new framework to living. If one does or says something with the thought, How does this affect someone else? Who does it affect? And is it positive or negative? this gives an entirely different framework for living. It’s a life led with the intention of positively affecting the next domino, so that we can, as creation, be one giant design that was started from the very first human to the last–each piece being interdependent upon the other.

I know that this is a bit esoteric, but if you take nothing else, I invite you to be a good domino this week. Whether or not you acknowledge Holy Week, I invite you to acknowledge your importance in this world with me. I hope to affect you all in a positive way. I would also like to thank you for making me think, and challenging me to be cognizant of the affect of my words. I urge you to use them carefully in your daily interactions. Let’s start with today and see how that goes.

I look forward to be in celebratory mode this weekend over Easter. Jr is getting confirmed, which will bring about a fabulous celebration I’m sure. More thoughts and ruminations to come during the culmination of this Lenten season.

When I was growing up, I used to spend summers in Louisiana. It was never too long–not the whole summer–but about a month each year. Summers with my grandparents were full of good Southern breeding, which was essential for a Creole girl living in Dallas. I was to get my dose of the values and lessons that only grandparents can teach. Those included how to get spoiled, how to make café au lait, and how to go home with more money than when I left. I would spend hours in the kitchen with M’dear while she baked rum balls, lemon merengue pie, and banana pudding. Today, my merengue is almost as good as hers, but I have to go to mom’s house for the incredible banana pudding.

My grandfather was a quiet man. He smoked constantly, and had an ashtray that was the height of his armchair so that he could smoke and watch westerns. I remember being bored to death watching those black and white movies full of Cowboys and Indians. Whenever Amos and Andy would come on, I’d finally tune in. I thought they were funny, but most of all, they weren’t westerns. My grandfather was beautiful and graceful. He reminded me of Cab Calloway, but was much more handsome. He was so fair that people couldn’t believe he was Black. But for me, he was just my grandfather–the graceful, quiet man who watched the westerns.

I think that I am very similar to M’dear. She always had friends over, music on, and would dance in the house whenever Rufus or the Jacksons would come on. I was 10 when she passed, but I can still remember her in her light blue polyester suit dancing to “Tell Me Something Good.”

I think that we naturally relish in the days of our past because we remember them as simpler times. I’m not sure if that’s true, but I know that it was well before having to deal with the everyday bs of adult life. I wonder why we don’t bring that simplicity to our lives in the present? Why always draw upon the past to define the future? I realize that we need to embrace the past, but the moments that we live in right now are the ones that define who and what we are today. There is no reason why one can’t simplify. Thoreau did as an adult–why can’t I?

In planning for the future with beloved, now that we’ve talked about the big things (spousal roles, spirituality, sexuality, finances, etc) we are trying to figure out the logistics. Where do we live? How do we coexist with all our animals? What do we do with her house? How does she find work here? What if we go back to Texas? There are so many details that we are working out–it oftentimes becomes a draining conversation of details that don‘t get us any further than we were before the discourse started. At some point, we just center down in the foundation of love, respect, and commitment that we have for one another, and recognize that it doesn’t all have to be figured out at this second. Our lives of menial details turn into hope for the future again, which is tranquil and organic. I think that we’ve figured out that in following the natural steps, we can get to that simplicity… reminiscent of our past… in hopes that we will create new memories of dancing in the house, baking desserts, and teaching the girls how to make café au lait.