So I was reading an article in Time Magazine, which reminded me of a conversation I had last week.  It asked the question:  Why are Southerners so fat?

Now, I know the word “fat” is one that we like to stay away from, preferring terms like chubby, fluffy, full figured, blah effin blah, but realistically that stuff around the gut is fat–not fluff.  I was just having this conversation with Tif the other day.  Having been or lived in two of the skinniest areas–Southern California and Denver–I noticed a dramatic difference in waistlines.   (Why am I blogging about this here instead of the group blog you ask?  Because this blog purges my randomness.  SO THERE!)  The better question is, how hard does one have to work to offset the geography that is adding to an unhealthy lifestyle? How much of an unhealthy life is about geography and weight, versus relational (professional, friendly, amorous)toxicity? 

*insert segue here*

So, as you know, I’ve moved into my new place. 

:)

I’m sooooo close to cleaning out my old one, I can taste it.  Let me tell you, attempting to truly unpack every single box has been W O R K.  So, it’s taking me a bit longer than my normal move.  I am determined, though, that I will fully nest into my new digs.  Anyhoo, one of the reasons I love my apartment is because it offsets geographic limitations.  In fact, I shall list all the reasons I love my place:

• Location:  It is within a half mile of a great grocery store.  I can walk if I’m just picking up a few things, or bike if I need to stack some groceries.   It’s about a mile from my favorite coffee and nail shop.  It’s across the street from Jr’s high school.  Neither Jr, nor myself needs to use the car on the weekends. I LOVE THIS!
• It’s smart:  A fabulous grill and bar area surround a beautifully crafted pool area.   When I get hot from spending time outdoors, I can simply take a dip, and then continue said outdoor activity (as opposed to saying, Forget it, and going indoors to my air conditioning and couch).  OH, and there’s wifi access at the pool… with nearby electricity to plug in Lappy.  (It’s not too close to the water, though.)  Not only this, but the apartment is PRE-WIRED for audio in the MASTER BEDROOM (in which I have created my meditation space)!  I can listen to my music in the living spaces or my private space.  I. LOVE. THIS!
• Garden bath tub.  This speaks for itself.
• Someone else fixes stuff. *happy sigh*
• Financial implications… more money for travel. YAY!
• Peaceful co-existence.  Jr and I have managed to find our groove functioning more as roommates, than mother cleaning up after child.  She takes care of half the place, I take care of the other.   Sharing the work and responsibility of the tidiness of the house really makes everything a lot more manageable.  I REALLY LOVE THIS!
  

  Happy Teenager

• Diversity.  Okay, seriously, I was wondering where the Eastern Asians and Latinos and Black folks were.  Apparently, they were not in my old neighborhood.  I guess the Confederate flags drove them away. lol

Ye Olde Neighborhood

I’d like to thank my diva sister for non-intentionally validating my preference for apartment-dwelling.  People do not understand this!  I do not find validation of my adulthood or maturity level by paying a mortgage rather than rent.  (I find it in healthy adult relationships and acceptance of self, but I digress…)  In fact, I [currently] see it as a very unrealistic, one-sided marriage in which one is rarely satisfied (see HGTV and DIY networks).  I do recognize that I might just be a condo-person, but I’ll figure that one out when I find the perfect condo.    Until then, I do not want to be driven indoors to close myself off from the world with a bunch of people just like me whilst comparing the greenness of lawns.   (I am definitely not a lawn person.)

I am very, very happy.  

When one is very happy, one is prone to purge that, which does not make one happy… including relationships.  I have recently put the breaks on an increasingly toxic relationship, which has made me happier.  I’m not saying that ending or drastically altering frienships are reasons to celebrate, I’m saying defining the encroaching of spiritual boundaries and enforcement of one’s personal ideal are.

I know that unhappy, toxic people will make an attempt to make their resurgence into my happy existence.  I’m currently crafting a way to say in a non-8-on-the-Enneagram way that their blues ain’t mine.  It’s not to say that I am not or will not be there for my people, but the others–they must know that I am not, and will not be a receptacle for their anger and/or issues. 

*pause for happy dance*

I am also fully aware that the newness of my environment (and subsequent purge) will eventually fade, and it’ll be just another place among many.  But, until then, I look forward to a mentally, emotionally, and physically healthier environment accompanied by good friends, relaxation, and my bicycle.

…to find the life between the cracks of the concrete jungle.

I journeyed outside of my air conditioned building, around the corner by the bank, and stumbled upon a sand pit, which annoyed me just two days ago.  Today, it was a welcome reminder of the beach, the sunny days, the coastline.  As I continued on, I was hit by a myriad of smells, sounds, and sights.  Birds were traipsing from tree to tree, and singing from their resting places.  I walked past large and tiny green leaves, red and white petal flowers, and lizards scurrying past to find comfort in the shade.  The fuchsia flowers on the trees are so bright and welcoming.  I presume that these are Crepe Myrtles, but I’m not sure because I’ve never paid attention.  Today, the bark was inviting–so smooth, and in a beautiful shade of ash.  There was a contrasting similar tree with pale pink flowers, which whispered in subtle beauty.  All of this contrasted against the doors that too often shut out nature and the wonders along the street.  While I know that I wouldn’t welcome any of these creatures that shimmied across the walk in my home, I felt in community with them in theirs.

Oh, the beauty of the midday walk.  For a person who is continually moving and prefers the run, it was nice to commune with nature today; to infuse all the senses with the exception of taste.  Perhaps tomorrow I’ll find honeysuckle.

 

Concrete Jungle Crack Fauna

Ahhh, yes, it’s not only a great song, but the present state of myself and many of my friends.  It seems like the whole world is acting or reacting to a financial re-framing of their lives.  For those who are lucky not to be dealing with that, they have their own changes that they are dealing with–a new baby, a partner working his way back to health, impending marriage, moves, etc.

When I started my journey to becoming a Spiritual Director, I knew that I was embarking upon a time of personal transformation.  What I didn’t realize is that when change is invited, it doesn’t just affect one small area.  That is an open invitation–so don’t ask for it unless you’re ready to deal with the unexpected as well. 

Indeed my life has changed dramatically over the last 3 years.   I’ve lived on a different coast, I met and surrounded myself with people who would end up being my angels, I’ve been in a relationship with my best friend who happened to be the same gender, I’ve changed careers, and I’ve changed my lifestyle.  Of course, all of this was steeped in the spiritual formation that was bringing the external me into a deeper relationship with my authentic self. 

Of course, some relationships have diffused due to people liking my ego better than my id.  I don’t blame those people–I think we all create a sense of fantasy with respect to some area of our lives.  I simply didn’t want to be that to others.  With the sloughing off of those people, the slathering on of unconditional love and acceptance commenced.  And there is no looking back.

I say all of this to say that the culmination of all of this change seems to be happening this summer.  Financial, spiritual, relational, and physical changes are already in the process of change.  I have found that I have settled for the perks of most of those aspects of my life, as opposed to living out the bigger picture–allowing the significant into my life.  I believe that we are destined to set the expectation for our lives.  If we don’t ask for, work toward, and expect the best, why should anyone give it to us? 

To that end, I am experiencing movement in all facets of my life…

I’m moving (literally).  I have the flexibility to do so without having to go through what others are going through, therefore I am.  I’m moving into an apartment that is half the size of my house,  and requires zero percent of the maintenance.  I have no desire to be in a house.  Houses are for people with multiple family members and/or animals who want to remain in said houses for an indefinite amount of time.  I do not fit within that construct.  I have a family of two + one cat.  I am not a “fan” of Houston.  I live here because it’s what needs to happen today.  Tomorrow can be a completely different story, and that’s a story I’d like to read.

I’ve changed my health lifestyle.  I am working to reduce weight, fat, and inches through the conscious effort of respecting my body.  This means that I am still fueling it, but with better options.  I’m moving it-usually to my Earth, Wind, and Fire Pandora station before dawn breaks in the mornings.  I am working toward a better sleep schedule in recognition that my goal of physical health falls short without resting my body properly. 

I am no longer in a romantic relationship, but have reignited a phenomenal friendship with my best friend.  I love reconnecting in this way, which I think is edifying to us both.  While we are working to transform our individual lives, we are on our journey to physical health together.  It’s nice to have such a great partner.  She is inspiring me in new ways, and for that I am forever grateful.

I am making some fiscal decisions.  One is removing the superfluous expense of the house.  Too much space and too much lawn = more energy wasted, lawn service, and less energy to do other things after cleaning 2500 sq ft of space.  Another is re-evaluating my professional life–return on mental investment, effectiveness, and all the related “stuff.” More on this when I have it figured out.

I am searching for a new home for spiritual formation.  I love my parish and the people in it for being a stepping stone in my spiritual walk.  But at some point, one has to take stock in one’s life, fill in the gaps and make the necessary investments.  There is a chasm between what I desire in a spiritual community and what I getting.  I owe it to myself to pursue a relationship with a community that will give something back to my id–this means connecting with my progressive peer group and experiencing fellowship in more than work groups.   After experiencing that last year, there is no way I’m settling for the alternative.  Just as the Word is living, so is spiritual life evolving, changing, moving forward.  This is essential in supporting my new ministry of Spritual Direction.

I am facing these changes head on, and looking forward to the next.  There is an amazing peace and ease in all of my decisions, which I can only attribute to divine validation.  Thank God for that.

I started the process of falling in true love a couple of years back.  I was falling in love with my most connected relationship I had ever experienced–that with my coven sisters.  The Coven derived it’s name from a passing comment about this close-nit circle of women whom shared an almost magical kinship.  We got each other, we felt connected from day one, and we really adored each other.

As the time has passed, that relationship has grown and blossomed to what can only be described as soul friendship.  These women, my coven sisters, have become inextricable parts of my life.  We love each other unconditionally.  We support one another.  We cry, laugh, drink, dance together.  Our souls are intrinsically linked–and our souls mirror one another.  In the last year, a decidedly difficult year for each of us, these women have become my angels.  Our hearts speak to each other even when we haven’t uttered a word.  We know when something is wrong, and our hearts hurt together.  We carry each other’s hearts.  I clearly and tangibly see God in them.  I love them deeply–I am completely transparent to them.  And for that, I am thankful.  I am thankful for my Angel sisters.

For them–my favorite poem (which of course, is also the favorite poem of one of my Angel sisters):

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

ee cummings

“So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” (Matthew 6:34)

 

Sure, we have to plan. But planning and worrying aren’t synonyms. Planning is developing strategies, while worrying is experiencing pain in advance of its actual arrival in your life.

Planning makes life easier. Worry makes things harder. It paralyzes our thinking, riveting it on the terrible things we think might happen and preventing us from seeing the new thing that really does.

How do we stop worrying?

Visualize your worries as a field of weeds, which you gather together in a bunch. Then leave it with God. Do this each time worry overwhelms you. Picture it: you, gathering them up and leaving the whole untidy bundle with God.

 

I’ve been using the meditations from www.er-d.org as a part of my lenten daily practice.  It amazes me that every time I see the new meditation, it is something timely and affecting.  Today’s meditation referenced above was opened during a quiet moment at work.  It’s quiet because people are worrying about their finances, and somehow taking a vacation isn’t in their plans… well, as of right now, at least.

Today, everyone at the office is worried.  It’s entirely too quiet for this time of year–our busiest season.  Now should be the feeding frenzy for vacationers to be locking in their travel plans for the summer.  We’re waiting on consumerism to pay our bills, but the consumers are not buying at this moment.  So, worry abounds and people are talking about how they’re going to pay their bills and such–it’s that kind of day.

 

Yesterday as I was watching the news, I heard that the employees at Stanford Financial didn’t get paid on payday last week.  I wonder how many of them are living paycheck to paycheck… how many are trying to figure out how to feed their children.  This is all because of greedy, unethical executives who chose to gamble with other people’s assets.  Today, I think their worries are bigger than mine.  Why?  Because it affects them today.  Mine are about what may happen in the future.  So, I’ve bundled up my worries and have laid them down at the feet of the Divine.  Today is just fine.  I’m taking a moment to breathe, take care of some administrative work, and follow up on some things and clients.  I’m making plans for tomorrow’s busy-ness and clearing the path for the work that will follow. 

 

Tomorrow will take care of itself–take advantage of the opportunities of the day.